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  • James McNeil

What you shouldn't say to someone struggling.

"I told you so."

These are words nobody likes to hear, and the threat of hearing them can keep us from asking for help when we need it. After all, who wants to ask for help and be told, "I told you so" or some other judgmental response?


The words "I told you so" should never be said to a person struggling, even if it is a struggle of their own design. I remember a few years ago, I had gone to a friend with a complaint. I was looking for support, but I did not receive it. What I received was an "I told you so" that did nothing to help my situation or my mood.

Why do we do this?

When someone asks for help, support, or just a listening ear, we should be offering it. The worst thing to do is to say, "I knew it," "I told you so" or something else that puts you on a high horse and makes the person you're talking to feel even worse.

"I told you that would be a problem" is what I heard when i went to ask for help. Immediately, I felt like an idiot. I felt like a failure. I felt like I was being judged. As a result, this scenario still plays over in my mind a few years later.

What can we do? As I've said before in this blog, just sit and listen. You don't have to solve everyone's problems. You definitely don't want to say something like "I told you so" when a friend who is struggling comes to you for help.

Listen. Show the same grace to them you'd want if you were struggling. Be there, be their friend, and demonstrate support. Easy? No. But you can do this. We can support each other.

This is just one way you can demonstrate support to someone struggling with suicidal thoughts and ideations. Pick up your own copy of Finding Your Personal Mission on Amazon or Audible today!

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